The World of Gender

Gender is a highly complicated matter and not one that can be explained with a mere sentence.

To begin to explain the matter of gender let us begin by explaining the matter of sex. A person’s sex refers to how we were defined at birth, by the appearance of our genitals. A baby born with a vagina receives an ID with the sex Female and a baby born with a penis receives an ID with the sex Male. Occasionally a child is born with a combination of both parts, and they are called intersex or hermaphrodites. Often they are given a sex at birth and either they grow up happily as a member of that sex or they transition. Sometimes they grow up as they are and then when they have reached a certain age they are able to choose the sex they identify most with, if any. The trouble with giving a child a sex based on their genitals is that people expect that the child’s identity and the child’s genitals match. But in truth I think we all know that that isn’t always the case at all. Some feel perfectly happy with the sex they were given at birth, a lot of people even, but there are also a lot of people who do not identify with the sex they were given at birth, at least not completely. Some do not wish to be defined at all, some identify as both genders, some as the opposite gender and some identify as a third gender. All of these identities fall under the umbrella term transgender. I will now go through with you some different identities and what they are called. 

When you identify with the opposite sex to the one you were given at birth you are transsexual. Either you are female-to-male (ftm) which means that you were confirmed female at birth but in truth you are male at heart. Or you are male-to-female which means the very opposite; you were confirmed male at birth but you are truly a woman at heart. The thing to remember here is that regardless of the person is ftm or mtf, they are not turning into a new gender, they are not changing genders; they are simply beginning to lead the lives they were supposed to have led from the very beginning. A person who is ftm is a man who happened to have been born with a vagina but that does not make him any less of a man. A person who is mtf is a woman who simply happened to have been born with a penis and she is just as much a woman as any other woman out there. Some transsexuals have the option of transitioning and some do choose to transition and some don’t. Some need to pay for their transitioning themselves and far from all can afford it, some do not have the courage to stand up to the world and themselves and shout out their inner truth and some simply do not have enough gender dysphoria to want to go through major surgery to change their bodies. Whether a transsexual person goes through surgery or hormone therapy or not is nobody’s business but theirs and regardless of what they choose, they are and always will be who they say they are. The name they call themselves is the name you should use. The pronoun they identify with is the pronoun you should use. If someone tells you that they are transsexual, you are never entitled to (and this goes for all other identities and sexualities as well) tell others about them. One should never speak for someone else unless one is asked to. Remember this because if you do this, it may very well be the end of the relationship you have with that person. Speaking for someone else without their permission is a betrayal of trust and trust, when lost, is very difficult to get back. And a relationship without trust can barely even be called a relationship, thus what you once had will be lost.

When you do not define yourself as either gender or either gender role you may be referred to as genderfree, agender, gender neutral, gender non-confirming, gendernei, queer, non-binary and so forth. There are a lot of different labels you may identify yourself with and maybe you don’t want a label at all which is quite understandable. More and more countries are altering their laws so that people may change their sex/gender to X, meaning non-confirming and hopefully parents will even be able to get this identity for their children at birth sometime in the future.

Personally I think it would be far better if all children were given the identity X at birth and at a certain age they may then choose whether to remain X or to have an M or an F on their id. Honestly it would make life a lot easier for a lot of people and by doing this I do believe that gender dysphoria, transphobia and homophobia would decrease and eventually disappear altogether. The greatest reasons for transphobia and homophobia is fear of the unknown and it is only unknown because we choose to label everything, divide everything, restrict ourselves and hide our differences. By not doing these things, being transgender or loving someone who identifies with the same gender as you do, would no longer be something unknown and thus there would no longer be any need to fear it. Problem solved.

If you find yourself identifying with both genders, either at the same time or as one gender one day and another gender the next day, you may refer to yourself as gender fluid, two-spirit, demi-boy, demi-girl, demi-nonbinary, bi-gender, multi-gender etc. While this may be difficult to comprehend if you are a cis-person (a person who identify with the sex they were given at birth), it is quite common to identify with more than one gender. After all humans are complex and our souls are free. We all feel different things and must build our lives around what we feel. It is perfectly fine to experiment with gender, to identify and act as one gender one day another the next day, to be androgynous, to be trans or to simply not wanting to define yourself at all. We are all free to live our lives in the manner that makes us the happiest. That’s the main thing you need to remember here. It doesn’t matter if you can’t explain how you feel about your identity, it doesn’t matter if you don’t yet know how you identify yourself and it doesn’t matter if others do not understand how you identify yourself. All you need to remember is that you are extraordinary just the way you are and that you may experiment with gender for as long as you like and as much as you like. Fashion and cosplay are excellent ways to do this. If wearing something makes you happy, wear it. Don’t think about what others might say or whether or not you are “normal”. Just live and do what makes you happy. You don’t need for others to make sense of your life. If it makes sense to you, then that is all you need. It is your life; don’t be afraid to live it.